AKA “Langford Does It Again”!
Ivy Feckett is Looking for Love: A Birmingham Romance will be available next month. Just in time for the holidays!!
Book 2 Cover Reveal!!
27 Monday Jun 2016
Posted in Books
Author Archives: jayspencergreen
And the Hits Just Keep On Coming!
23 Thursday Jun 2016
Posted in Books, Uncategorized
Not two weeks on from winning the Baileys Prize for Fiction, Lisa McInerney has picked up the Desmond Elliott Prize for New Fiction, described as “The UK’s most prestigious award for first-time novelists.” In doing so, she has become “A major literary figure,” apparently. God alone knows what she’ll do for an encore, but I for one have every faith in her. She’s the berries!
Lisa Bags the Baileys!
19 Sunday Jun 2016
Posted in Books, Uncategorized
Last week, the brilliant Lisa McInerney (aka the former Sweary Lady) won the Baileys Prize for Fiction for her magnificent debut novel, The Glorious Heresies. Those of you familiar with these parts will recognize Lisa from my Phriends and Fenomena page and her blurb on the front cover of Breakfast at Cannibal Joe’s. Needless to say, we are totally delighted with Lisa’s win, which is not to say that we didn’t think it was a foregone conclusion or that she’d undoubtedly get the recognition she deserved at some point. It’s just great to see a writer of such undeniable talent achieve this level of success so early in her career, especially when she’s not just a fantastic writer but also a thoroughly lovely and wonderful person. Well done, Sweary!
Poo, Pets, and Static
14 Saturday May 2016
Posted in Neoliberalism
Anyone who’s read Breakfast at Cannibal Joe’s will recognize a reference in this news item on the indignities suffered by workers in poultry processing plants in the USA.
A report from Oxfam America recently released reveals that in many factory farms, workers are denied bathroom breaks. The report cited several major producers of poultry including Tyson Foods Inc., Pilgrim’s Pride Corp., Perdue Farms Inc. and Sanderson Farms Inc.. Workers in these factories report inhumane conditions and a lack of fair treatment by managers and supervisors.
Workers’ needs are regularly mocked, laughed at, ignored, and sometimes even used as a means for firing. As a result, many workers dangerously restrict their intake of foods and fluids to make their shifts more bearable while others have been forced to urinate and defecate on themselves. Many, in order to bypass the need to use a restroom wear adult diapers to work regularly.
For those of you who haven’t read it, here’s the relevant passage:
It’s tempting to regard Cannibal Joe’s as just a surreal absurdist dystopia that “could never happen here,” but that was never my intention. The world of Cannibal Joe’s is neoliberalism taken to its logical conclusions. The longer neoliberalism lasts, the more it will resemble the book. You have been warned.
Incidentally, and not entirely uncoincidentally, Novel No. 3, Fowl Play, is itself set in a poultry processing plant. You have been warned again!
The Golden Stomach Awards: Where Are They Now?
13 Wednesday Apr 2016
Posted in Humor
Tags
See 2002
Every year, the Société des Spectacles, France’s premier organization for stage performers, hoofers, actors, and thesps in general, presents its Estomac D’Or award to the individual or team nominated by their peers as the nation’s leading exponent of on-stage ventriloquism. We considered it to be in everybody’s interest to find out what has happened to those illustrious honorees over the years.
2016. Samira Guérin et Les Flics Monstrueux: Touring the provinces to nearly sold-out audiences.
2015. Yoann Bossis et “Flash”: Junior scriptwriters on Les Guignols.
2014. Franck Blanck et Macks Planck: Playing Obélix on Radio Canal Sud.
2013. Thierry Douis et Sonny: Dubbing Sunny Delight ads. Poorly.
2012. Zinedine Artelesa et Les Liaisons Onctueuses: PR advisers to Nicolas Sarkozy.
2011. Patrick Gondet et Phattseau: Presenters of the French version of The Antiques Roadsheau.
2010. Sylvain Bosquier et Tante Claudine: Timetable announcers at Gare de Lyon.
2009. Lilian Revelli et ses poupées extraordinaires: Now performing as Liliane Revelli et ses poupées ordinaires.
2008. Vincent Trésor et Paul le Doux: Successful career on French inland cruise ships and high-end canal barge holidays.
2007. Didier Carnus et Didier le Bois: On the run.
2006. Bernard Bereta avec son fils bavard: Police informer.
2005. David Guillou et Didier le Bois: Dead.
2004. Alain Platini et Kevin MacPherson: Self-employed Paris bus guides.
2003. Jean-Pierre Petit et Petit Jean-Pierre: The many voices of Garmin Français satellite navigation aids.
2002. Laurence Larios et Boule de Suif: Publicists for France’s Meat Marketing Board.
2001. Stéphane Tigana et Killer: Aisle Four, Carrefour Boulogne.
2000. Manuel Ribéry et Pipi: “Humorous” football commentators on Marseilles Radio Libre.
1999. Louise Zidane et Marie-Claire: Novelty Avon Ladies.
1998. Jean-François Nasri et son Mec en Colère: Psychotic Offenders Wing, Saint Barthélemy’s Home for the Indigent and Murderous, Rennes.
1997. Jean-Marc Vieira et Héloise: Happily married.
1996. Hervé Henry et Suzi Wong: Offensive jugglers.
1995. Emmanuel Gourcuff et Le Grand Oiseau Jaune: Sued by children’s TV show 5, Rue Sésame in 2002. Suicide.
1994. Marius Wiltord et Chocko: Retired carpenters. Living in the Ardennes.
1993. Philippe Ginola et Darkie: Touring the colonies.
1992. Marcel Des Champs et Charles de Gueule: Organizers of far-right underground paramilitary group. Occasionally perform benefit gigs in locations unknown.
1991. Yvette Thuram et Foulou: Still deceiving the blind.
Awesome!
26 Saturday Mar 2016
Posted in Interview
Tags
A little embarrassing (in so many ways), here’s my interview over at the Awesomegang website from last year.
No. 56: Make Exceedingly Good Cakes
23 Wednesday Mar 2016
Posted in Humor
Tags
No. 40
The March 2016 issue of Esquire Magazine features a list of “55 Things That Every Man Should Know How to Do.” For your edification, he should know how to
1. Put a Windsor knot in his tie.
2. Milk a cow.
3. Change a car’s tires, oil, and spark plugs.
4. Hide a stain.
5. Play Texas Three-Card Hold ‘Em.
6. Lose gracefully.
7. Know the quickest route out of a department store.
8. Tie a tourniquet.
9. Mix a mean Bloody Mary.
10. Negotiate with kidnappers.
11. Find the channel with the gymnastics on during the Olympics.
12. Not take offense if accused of homosexuality.
13. Fake sincerity when apologizing.
14. Fake his doctor’s signature.
15. Judge bra size using only his hands.
16. Spot dogshit at 30 yards.
17. Cheat at darts.
18. Suck it up and take it like a man.
19. Use a bike pump as a lethal weapon.
20. Dodge library fines.
21. Steal a car radio.
22. Steal someone’s identity.
23. Make it look like suicide.
24. Dispose of a body.
25. Kick a dog without it barking.
26. Knock one out without the wife knowing.
27. Grass up a friend to Customs and Excise.
28. Find the touts on match day.
29. Stay out of a fight he started.
30. Urinate in a packed Wimbledon Centre Court End and blame someone else.
31. Avoid the speed cameras while doing a ton.
32. Goose a waitress so she’ll be flattered.
33. Locate bodily fluids on a pizza.
34. Lie in a foreign language.
35. Throw a party for an undeserving friend and make sure he knows it while everyone else thinks you’re a great guy.
36. Raze a house to the ground during the night.
37. Soil a bed beyond repair.
38. Sneak a peek.
39. Stalk someone using only the Internet.
40. Amputate a digit without grimacing (someone else’s).
41. Spike a child’s drink.
42. Tell his mother she has a pube stuck in her teeth.
43. Remove a vacuum attachment from his rectum without the need for a hospital visit.
44. Win disgracefully.
45. Expectorate on the ref without him knowing.
46. Make a nun weep.
47. Stash drugs in his luggage and not get caught.
48. Fart (1) silently (2) humorously (3) during sex, incorporating it into the lovemaking.
49. Suck off a prison guard.
50. Inject heroin into someone’s arm without leaving telltale signs.
51. Surreptitiously destroy a work colleague’s career.
52. Persuade a first date to swallow.
53. Kill, skin, gut, fillet and cook a Kardashian.
54. Play “London’s Burning” on the recorder (The Clash version).
and
55. Break a swan’s wing.
Only then will you be a man, my son.
Coming Soon!
15 Tuesday Mar 2016
Book Number 2 is on its way: Ivy Feckett is Looking for Love: A Birmingham Romance. Don’t Miss It!
Bad Citizens
13 Sunday Mar 2016
Posted in Uncategorized
In today’s Observer, my good buds Lisa McInerney and Caitriona Lally are included among the five Irish writers asked to offer their personal reflections on Ireland today. Plenty of insightful observations, as you’d expect in the Observer, but you also get an insight into the views of the “nothing-to-see-here” brigade in the Comments section, whose well-padded and protected lives inside easily identifiable class fractions see them convinced that any negative comments are motivated by begrudgery, a lack of patriotism, bolshiness, or, worst of all, contrarian hedge-fund managers trying to make a killing from talking the economy down.
Book of the Month: The Glorious Heresies
02 Wednesday Mar 2016
Posted in Books, Uncategorized
For those of you who haven’t read it yet, here’s as good an excuse as any. Lisa “Sweary Lady” McInerney’s wonderful debut, The Glorious Heresies, is the Irish Times Book of the Month for March.
Over the next few weeks, we will be exploring the novel with Lisa, who will contribute a number of articles shedding light on different aspects of her work. We will also publish an extract, interviews, reviews and appreciations, culminating in a podcast interview with the author to be recorded at the Irish Writers Centre in Dublin and then published here.
Find out more here.
Jay Spencer Green 